Title: A Letter About Forever
Author:Dawn
E-Mail:Redduchess126@aol.com
Pairing:W/S
Rating:PG – there is one bad word, if you even consider hell a bad word.
Disclaimer:These wonderful characters still don’t belong to me.
Summary:This is a sequel to A Letter About Never. It’s Spike turn to give
writing a try.
Spoilers:There is a little bit of season 4 spoilage.
Authors Note: This story is dedicated to my little sister. She may be
annoying, but she can really be a great person!
Authors Note II: I made up Spike's name… so it’s not real.
Feedback:Yes, please! The more you send, the more I’m willing to write.
----

To my beloved,

Before you came into my world I was many things, but I was
never happy. I was a name with a legend behind it. I was the ‘pet’
of a crazy woman. I was a mind with too many voices. I was a phony
character in a
world that I truly didn’t belong in. Before you I could have never
realized that
fitting in with my kind wasn’t what I needed.

Since I can remember the only thing that I ever wanted was to find
peace.
After I was turned nothing seemed to make sense tome. I was
supposed to be this evil demon that thrived on killing and mayhem.
The members in my ‘family’ were the most dangerous and treacherous
vampires known to man. But it’s funny you see, I never liked the
kill or the
hunt. Now, I think that I somehow retained some of my soul after I
was
turned. But having a soul in my family was unacceptable, and if I
was ever
going to find my peace in the world I first better learn to become
what I was
theoretically made to be. So I fought to fit into the role my sire
wanted me to
be, and I fought against my human nature. I tried to become the
fearsome,
sinful demon the world thought I was, and that my family created me
to be. I
succeeded to push away my humanity. I became William the Bloody.
Hell, I
even got the nickname Spike for the way I tortured my victims with
railroad
spikes. Ever person I killed, ever slayer I killed was to help me
find peace.But
you know what, I never did found the peace I was looking for.

Then I met you. Now at first I though you were nothing. You were
just some
friend of the slayer. You were going to be just another nameless
face and
body that would go on God’s list of people that I’ve murdered. But
this time
the slayer I had intended to kill was too strong. Her friends were
too strong. It
was then that things began to change. When I got the chip I
pretended that it
was the end of the world. I pretended that it was the worst thing
that could
ever happen to a guy like me. Secretly though, I was relived. I now
had an
excuse not to kill. My humanity could start to resurface.

The chip was a secret gift from the gods, but I knew that others of
my kind
would not see it as one. They would see it as a weakness; a weakness
that
had to be destroyed. So I went to the only person I knew of that
could keep
me safe from other demons, the slayer. Not only would the slayer
keep me
safe, but also hanging with her and her buddies could give me a
chance at
redemption. I mean they gave Angel a shot, so hopefully they’d give
me a
chance too. Of course I played the reluctant rabbit, and pretended
that I hated
ever minute of it. Truthfully though, I started to feel as if I
might have a chance
to that peace I have always craved. Best of all no one ever knew
what was
going on inside of my head. After all, I have been acting for the
past hundred '
and something years.

I began to realize, after helping the slayer for awhile, that
fighting evil wasn’t
giving me the peace I hoped for. It just gavea sense of pride for
helping
people. Now pride can be a great feeling, but it’s not peace. Then
things
changed. We became friends.

After your wolf left, it left you feeling alone,unhappy, and
emptiness. your
friends didn’t seem to pay attention to you,and they left you in
the dark, you
did the weirdest thing and came to me. I don’t know what made you
do it,
but the first time you cried your eyes to me and then gave me a
hug, I felt
something inside me jump.

Each time we met and talked we found out a little more about each
other,
and we recognized that we liked what we found. You were the first
and only
person who saw the real me. Not the demon I tried to be, but the
human that
was stuck in a bed of lies. For every lie I made about myself, you
made two
truths to cover it up. You were my first real friend. You helped me
become
the man I have always wanted it to be.

The first time you told me you loved me I could have died, again.
With your
love and guidance I found my peace. First I thought that the only
way I could
have peacewas to fit in and made people want to be with me. Then I
thought
that the way to have peace was to be powerfully and sure of my
place. But
those things I had, and they didn’t bring peace. Now I know that
peace isn’t
something I canforce or make. My peace is you.

When I’m with you nothing else reaches my mind. I am so happy I can
barely stand. I know with you that anything can happen, and that
together we
can shape the world. Things will be hard for us in the future, for
my mislead
past will always haunt us. But I am willing to do anything and give
up
everything for a chance to be with you. For no matter where I am,
or what’s
happening, as long as I’m with you I will have the peace I have
spent my life
looking for.

Now that I have completed my goal of peace, I believe its time to
make a
new goal. The new purpose of my life is now to spend forever with
my love,
my life, my peace. You.

Yours forever,
William James Formun