Title: Xander....?
Author: Mara
Email: emeraldspike@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: Joss' not mine. I don't own BTVS or A:TS. However, any
characters you don't recognize do belong to me. (They came from the
twisted void of my mind)
Rating: PG13 (for language I guess)
Distribution: My site Into The Shadows (EmeraldNights), certain eGroup
lists, Charity can have anything of mine that she likes. Anyone else: want
it? Take it!!! Just tell me where it's going so I can see my babies.
Feedback: I live for it. It's my blood. Translation: PLEASE?!?! (It also
gets you a beautiful dedication)
Dedication: Charity, The Candy Orgy and Karie!
Author Note 1: Mostly in Willow's POV. The last paragraph or so is in
Spike's POV.
Author's Note 2: I'm still trying to decide if I want to continue this.
Any of you like it, write me and let me know.


I sigh. It's 3:00 in the afternoon. Still another three hours until
sunset. Until I see Spike, he had things to do today, but promised to be
here by dusk. Xander doesn't like the fact I'm with "Deadboy Jr." He's so
rude to him. He's supposed to be coming over today to help me move. Today,
I go live in the mansion with Spike. My parents sold the house. A
finalization of their removal from my life. They gave me a car and money.
Said they were selling the house though. They had some excuse, I didn't
pay much attention. I didn't really care, especially since I get married
in a month. Spike asked me to marry him in April. It's September now. We
set the date for October 15th. I get lost in my own little world
daydreaming about him. He said he was taking back his true name. William
Bradley Marsterson. So I will soon be Willow Marie Rosenburg Marsterson.
Spike even helped out an extremely powerful sorceress who had been
severely wounded by a Vascry and protected her infant daughter, even
though the demon almost killed him. As a reward, she said she would grant
him anything he wanted. He asked for the powers the Gem of Amarra would
have given him, the ability to have children, acceptance back as the
Master of the Sunnydale, and immortality for me. She couldn't grant full
immortality for me, but as long as he lives, I live and can whisper a
small incantation when I wish to stop aging. Those things surprised me, I
was sure he would have asked for other things. I guess what really
surprised me was the fact that he asked for things for his Sire and Buffy.
He asked for Angel to be forgiven, have his soul anchored, and for him to
be able to have children too. Angel and Buffy are a lot happier now. She
wasn't satisfied with that as payment for her life and that of her child,
so she ordered him to take a small charm and whenever he or I needed
anything, all we had to do was call her and she would try to help us in
any way she or her followers could.
I'm shaken out of my thoughts by the doorbell. I glance at the clock, but
still two hours until dark, so it has to be my best friend. I answer it
and smile at Xander. He doesn't smile back, just walks in the house and
turns around to stare at me. I shut the door and turn to him.

"What's wrong, Xander?"
"I've been thinking a lot, Wills." I would have made some kind of joke,
but the look on his face was one I didn't want to see. I motion for him to
sit down in a chair and he does so as I sit across from him.
"About what?"
"You." That one word worries me.
"Me?" He nods and takes my hand into his.
"Ever since you and Spike announced you were getting married, I haven't
been able to stop thinking about you. I'm losing you." I swallow the lump
in my throat.
"Xander, we've been best friends since we were four. Even when you stole
my Barbie, we were still friends. Nothing can change that. Best friends
forever."
"I know, Will, I know. But I decided I wanted more. I......I...I love you
Willow." That small declaration would have, at one time, made me drop
anything I was doing, anything I was thinking, and run into his arms,
repeating that same phrase. Not now, though.
"Xander, I was in love with you for years. Almost all my life. Then I met
Oz, and I fell in love with him. He left me, and I realized I'd still
loved you. After I healed, Spike took care of me, he treated me like I'd
always wished. Like I meant something to him. I was just 'reliable plain
old Wills' to you and 'my girlfriend, the Slayerette' to Oz. To Spike, I'm
the world. He loves me."
"I. Love. You, Willow. Spike just hates being alone. He lived with
Harmony. Hell, he made Harmony a vampire! You still think you mean
something to him? You're just a past time, to be replaced when you aren't
what he wants."
"You can't mean that, Xander."Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. His
words hurt. I can't believe this is my best friend saying these things to
me.
"I sure as hell do too mean that. Did you forget he'd kidnapped you?
Tried to kill you several times? Even wanted to shove a broken bottle
through your head, and you still think he loves you? I thought you were
the smart one, Wills. I'd thought you learned from Buffy and would stay
away from undead bastards like Angel and Spike. You're an idiot to believe
a soulless killer could ever feel anything for you. Are you blind to that
fact? Why are you marrying him?
"He brought me out of my shell. He taught me how to heal after Oz left
me. He does love me. I know he does. And I love him."
"He doesn't love anyone but himself. After you started dating him, your
wardrobe changed. You started wearing more daring clothes. Saying more
lewd things and jokes. Hell, you made Anya blush!!! ANYA of all people.
How come you've changed? He did it. He made you change your ways. Why did
you let him? Is he a good lay? Is that why? You figure that since the sex
is good, you'll be okay with him? You'll do whatever, just to get some?" I
can't hold the tears back any longer and they flow silently down my face.
I try to regain composure prior to hitting him, but I don't have to.
Before I can even say anything, Spike has him up against the wall, his
hand around Xander's neck, holding him a foot above the floor. He's in
full game face and visibly shaking with rage.
"You are a bloody bastard!! Insulting the woman you call your best friend.
Do you truly believe she would only be in a relationship for sex?" Xander
narrows his eyes.
"She fucked a wolf, didn't she?" I can't help the sob that breaks from my
throat and Spike tightens his grip on Xander's neck, amber eyes flashing,
growling savagely.
"Damn wanker! Shut the hell up before I tear out your tongue!" I grimace
at the mental picture. Reaching out, I lay a hand on his arm and he turns,
snarling at me. I whisper one word,
"William." He blinks and his handsome face returns, crystal blue eyes
looking at me with love and concern.
"Pet?" I can tell he wants to rip Xander apart, and even I want to beat
some sense into him.
"Spike, stop. Let him go."
"He hurt you, luv. He made you cry. I bet I can make him cry." Spike jerks
Xander higher up and he groans in fear and pain.
"No, baby, don't. He isn't worth it. I love you, Xander doesn't matter
anymore," My voice hardens.
"He's a selfish son of a bitch. Let him go fuck his ex-demon girlfriend
until he passes out from exhaustion, leaving her unsatisfied, besides we
all know the real reason he doesn't help the Scooby Gang is because he
tires too easily." Xander is furious at me, I know, but I don't care, he
hurt me.
"I love you too, Red." I smile and nod towards Xander.
"Let go of him." Spike sighs and drops Xander, who stumbles as his legs
buckle beneath him. Spike pulls me into a brutal kiss that leaves me
breathless.
"Sometimes, luv, I can't believe your compassion, then other times, I
can't believe you can be so bitchy." I laugh and turn to glare at my old
best friend.
"Alexander LaVelle Harris, get out of my home." He shakes his head.
"No and you can't make me." I roll my eyes and whisper a simple spell. A
gust of wind and Xander is no longer standing in my hall. I smile at
Spike.
"Oh yes I can." He chuckles and walks me to the couch, pulling me down in
his lap. I'm so close to crying.
"Go ahead, pet, let it all out." I whimper once, before breaking down.


*****SPIKE*****
As I pull her onto my lap, I can tell she's close to crying.
"Go ahead, pet, let it all out." She whimpers softly, then breaks into
heart wrenching sobs. There's nothing I can really do, except hold her
close. So I do. I run my fingers through her hair and down her back,
rubbing in soothing motions, whispering soft words of comfort to her. Ten
minutes later, she calms down and looks up at me, then down at my red silk
shirt, covered in salty tears.
"I'm sorry," She whispers, "I got your shirt all wet." I rub my thumb over
her cheeks. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying and her face is tear
streaked.
"I don't care about the shirt, pet. Are you alright?" A few stray tears
fall and I brush them away.
"Oh Spike, Xander was so hateful and rude and mean. It didn't even seem
like it was him. Maybe it's not him! Maybe it was a spell. We can go to
Giles..."
"Later, pet." I forced a sigh. How could I tell her that her best friend
had changed?